By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
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