And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
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There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
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Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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