the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
Randomize