Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
All I remember is yelling RUN as fireworks started going off in the kitchen. Who said that was a bad idea?
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Randomize
