And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
In that case, I'll try 2 find a date. But my options are AA friends or fuck buddies.
I feel like the way you told me you weren't pregnant was pretty anticlimactic.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
Randomize
