oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
