My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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