I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
