What a fucking waste of an outfit
i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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