I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
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