im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
