I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Randomize
