I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
alright so where did all these fingerpaintings on my bedroom wall come from?
dude. you drew those with your dick
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
