So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
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