I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
