I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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