i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
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I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
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Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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