Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
