dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
The adults are the big ones right?
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Randomize
