Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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