2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
