I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Threw up in hyvee parking lot. Thanksgiving shopping complete.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
