i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
