I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
I woke up at 5am to tell him I wanted to take his dick on la Tour de France, I might need a nap later
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
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