did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
