Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
