help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Currently at a fetish club with a set of swings (don't ask). Having flashbacks to the park by my house
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Randomize
