he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
