I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
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