What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
Randomize
