please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
He pulled out a red and green condom and then started humming "Here Comes Santa Claus." Happy holidays indeed.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Randomize
