That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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