You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Randomize
