god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
