Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
Randomize
