I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
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