But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
Pooping in your heated bathroom to the sound of rain and instrumental guitar might be the greatest experience ever.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
