It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
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