I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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