I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
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