we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
