if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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