hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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