I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
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