i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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