wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
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