He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
Who died my cat blue again?
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
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