At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I love you. Go after that dick
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