Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
I'll truly miss your penis but your use of words and phrases such as bae, yolo, swag, and totes have ruined how attractive you once were.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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