My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
He was licking my ear while recommending that I shop at IKEA. I think he's my perfect guy.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
