i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
Best news ive heard all week. The cougars r coming! The cougars are coming!
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Randomize
