watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
