Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
