a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
A little light bondage fun never hurt anybody (erotic asphyxiation excluded). Car batteries attached to reproductive organs have.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
