exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Some dude just said my hair smells like his pillows
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
