why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
