I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Randomize
