I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
Randomize
