I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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