im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
Randomize
