My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
I'm in Burlington Coat Factory. This place'd be great if you were on E. There're so many textures...
I'm kinda hoping that if I rub the right object, a genie will come out
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.