some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
