I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
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My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
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She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.