no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
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im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
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I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol