Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.