I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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