so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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