thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
Randomize
