she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
Randomize
