Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
