lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
