I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
