wrigley field is MILF paradise
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
Pants are for mortals
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