he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I need to calm my uterus...
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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