Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
She looked at it and said "your dick is like the golden gate bridge."
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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