Well the candle wax mightve been sexy if he didn't drop the candle and light half my bed on fire
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
