ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
just to let ya know we might have to take a stripper snowboardin sometime
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
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