god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
