he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
